Michael McGill

Relaxation for Beginners

‘May I take your shoes?’ the girl at reception asked. Jacqueline was a little thrown, but the girl’s warm grin put her at ease. ‘Um, no problem,’ Jacqueline said. She took off her pale blue trainers, and handed them over. ‘So where am I headed?’ she asked. ‘The room at the end of the corridor,’ the girl said.

Jacqueline walked in and sat beside the other attendees. A woman stood by a flip chart. ‘I’m Linda,’ she announced. ‘I’d like to welcome you all to the Mindfulness Centre.’ A marker pen was held tightly in her hand, Jacqueline noticed. The top was already off the marker.

‘First of all, I’d like you all to say your names,’ Linda said, ‘then tell me something positive about yourselves.’ This last part made Jacqueline flinch. A man named Andrew was first to volunteer. For some reason he had ended up sitting beside a large pot plant. When Linda asked for ‘something positive’, Andrew replied, ‘I’m from the Borders.’ In block capitals, Linda noted on her flip chart, ‘ANDREW – FROM THE BORDERS’. The others said their hellos. There was Charlie who blinked a lot as she spoke, Celia who giggled at everything, and Daniel who wore a cap and looked like Michael Stipe. 

Suddenly, a stranger walked in. She plonked herself on the sofa by the Venetian blinds, and said, ‘Now I know why I’m here.’ Everyone in the room, like it or not, became her audience. ‘I’ve had a teenage daughter playing up all morning,’ she continued, ‘I’ve been tired and stressed. But now I know why I’m here.’ Then she exhaled. She struck Jacqueline as the type to suggest a barbecue on a sunny day. The type to look out of the window when it rained and say something like, ‘Oh, it’s so refreshing…’

‘Sooooo,’ said Linda, ‘what’s your name, my love?’ Jacqueline noticed that when Linda smiled, she looked like she was about to slash someone’s tyres. ‘I’m Marilyn,’ the stranger said, more to the room than to Linda. ‘If you’d like to say something positive about yourself?’ Linda asked. Marilyn joked, ‘Well, I’m here!’ Linda, clearly taking no prisoners, noted on the flip chart, ‘MARILYN IS HERE’.

In the midst of this hullabaloo, Jacqueline had forgotten she was still to introduce herself. Linda turned to her now, and asked softly, ‘What’s your name?’ Jacqueline said hello to the group. Linda was poised with her marker pen. ‘Something positive about yourself?’ she prompted. There was a brief pause. ‘I’m a good friend,’ Jacqueline said.

Linda turned over the page of her flip chart. Two words were already noted on the next page: ‘THE LEMON’. ‘We’ll begin today with a visualisation exercise,’ she said. The phrase ‘begin today’ put Jacqueline on edge. It reminded her of school. ‘I’d like you all now to close your eyes, and take a deep breath,’ said Linda. ‘Now picture a lemon.’ Jacqueline peeked from her right eye. Linda was licking her lips as she spoke. ‘Let’s visualise someone cutting this lemon. As they cut into its flesh, imagine lemon juice spilling out onto a table...’

Jacqueline could feel the room spin. She felt like she was in a prison cell, albeit one decorated with Venetian blinds and a pot plant. Very quietly, she started to cry. Why couldn’t they just leave the lemon alone? she thought. It wasn’t doing any harm. She got up and walked towards the door. Linda carried on, ‘...and as you visualise this, keep breathing, and imagine...’

The girl at reception sat with a cup of tea, leafing through a copy of Grazia. She looked up, saw Jacqueline, and handed her a tissue. ‘Shall I make you a cuppa?’ the girl asked. Jacqueline paused before answering. She felt less dizzy already. ‘No, I’m OK,’ she replied, ‘I’ll just leave now and treat myself to a coffee in town.’ The girl handed over Jacqueline’s trainers. She watched as Jacqueline tied her laces. ‘Well, look after yourself,’ she said, and grinned. Jacqueline smiled back, and walked out into the fresh air.

Michael McGill is an LGBTQ+ writer from Edinburgh who has recently been published in Lunate, DREICH, Anser Journal, 433, Lucky Pierre, Stone of Madness Press, Dreams Walking, Versification and The Haiku Quarterly. He has also recently had work published in the Scottish Poetry Library’s Poems by and for Social Workers anthology. Twitter: @MMcGill09