Jason Jawando

word of a lie

Do you know what, right, I actually said that to him, that I’m at work all day and you know what he actually said ... yeah, that’s what he said ‘so am I’ ... I can’t believe he said that, he actually classes that as work, you know, sitting around in an office all day and he actually, so like I said to him ... you know what, I didn’t bother saying anything to him: I mean, how can you get through to someone? ... I’ve tried, but like, I’m going to work now, and it’s like 10:30 and I’m going to be there till, what, 7, 8 o’clock, you know, depending on whether the boss feels like being a bastard to me, and I’ll be on my feet all that time, and you know, he gets back like 5 and he’s just been sitting there watching TV ... yeah, technically, but you know I’ll get back and it’s going to be nearly 10 by the time I get back and he’ll just be ... it’s supposed to be both, all three of us in this and what’s he doing ... no, no, I ain’t got no problem with ... I know that. I know you got your issues and you’d help if you ... yeah, yeah, we’re good ... alright, not good, but it’s just him that does my head in ... like when we get rid of it ... no, don’t worry, if I have to do it on my own ... listen, would I do that to, it’s like I don’t know how you can ask, like we’ve known each other, sixteen, seventeen years … no, I haven’t actually known him longer than you, well sort of, but I didn’t know, know him ... so he says ... no, that’s what I’m saying, see ... yeah, all three of us ... it’s never been any different ... no, it might not be three ways, but you know the reason ... calm down, you’ll get yours ... if I want extra ... no, I don’t want extra, but if he’s not going to pull his weight ... we’ll sort it out ... yeah I know you’d help if it weren’t for ... no, he was in it, you was in it, I was in it ... the stuff’s stashed at mine ... no it’s not his gaff …. yeah, like my parents let him stay, cos they think they’ve got, well, my dad mostly ... been about six months since … yeah, he says we got to ... no, I think it bothers her, but you know what she’s like … oh, just like a woman …. so, the stuff’s at mine, and he’s just dossing, just in the spare room like, so he knows it’s there ... he’s not going to ... yeah, but he’s too, that’s what I’m saying, he’s too lazy to do anything like that … yeah, but that was different: he didn’t, wasn’t his idea for one ... no, you got that wrong, it was always my idea ... no, I might have let on that … yeah, but you don’t, do you ... no, look, it was my idea, I roped you in cos you’re sort of my oldest brother and I know you the longest and then he sort of talked about getting involved cause he can’t think up nothing for himself and, you know, he’s sort of my brother in the other way, you know we got the same ...no, I haven’t done a DNA, old man would never agree ... yeah, stands to reason ... Wandsworth last time I heard ... no, waiting till he gets out, to be honest ... would I? ... it’s not like a school report or something ... nothing like me … he works in an office cause he’s too lazy to ... yeah, at the warehouse but in the office ... no, that’s what I’m saying, it’s my project all along and I’ll decide where and when we shift it ... no, what I want him to do is just, it’s just I get back in, like 10, and he’s like all this, ‘have you called that bloke yet’ and I don’t need that, you know what I mean, and so I’m like ‘I’ve been at work’ and all that, and you know what, I don’t even want him to call the bloke, cause he wouldn’t know what to say for one thing ... no, he doesn’t have the ... do you think I’d trust him with the number? … yeah, when I said he’s too lazy, look, I wouldn’t trust him, you know that, not like I trust you, I mean his old man’s stupid for one thing, how do you think he got caught ... yeah, well I don’t take after that side of the fam ... no, I mean she makes out like she’s pissed off some of the time, but it’s years ago, and it’s not like she didn’t know what he’s ... I remember at the wedding he had to leave early to go and answer bail, so it’s not like she thought he was Saint fucking whoever of wherever ... yeah, but it’s the same thing, you marry a blagger, you got to expect ... his mum, fuck knows … yeah, but he divorced her before he married my mum, stands to reason ... no ... look, my dad lives with me and my mum when he’s not inside, apart from that one time, but that was ... don’t know, just turned up and said he was ... yeah, says he is ... don’t know ’bout three months, I reckon ... June ... September ... yeah, same year, so he’s older, if it really is when he says ... could ask when he gets out, I guess ... yeah, it was after I told you ’bout it ... no, you got that wrong, I told you and then he came in on it ... yeah, he does that, likes to pretend everything’s his ... yeah, but how would he know about it? ... look, you know where I work ... no, I wouldn’t tell him that kind of ... yeah, I told you and he found out and said he had to be in on it ... yeah, we would get more, but, well you can’t really, I mean he sleeps in the next fucking room … no, I’m not trying to, would I do that to … how long have we known each other? … yeah, but I didn’t know ’bout him being my brother till … look, I swear there’s no way I’d cut you out to, not for him ... not for anyone, swear ... no, look, he sits on his arse in that fucking office and he gets home and he says he’s too knackered to do anything ... yeah, but my job’s like proper work ... no, it was like this, no word of a lie, he might work there, but all he’s doing is sitting watching the TV ... yeah, but you know what I mean, I do all the hard graft, it’s me what know how these things work, so it’s me who had the idea ... no, even if he tried, I’d tell him you’re my oldest, even if you couldn’t do nothing ... no, I mean if, I mean, obviously I know you ... yeah, I do know it was you, ain’t going to forget something like ... no, look, I know he says he sees it all on the TV ... yeah, I know it’s CCTV, but don’t you think I have to ... no, look, I deal with proper criminals everyday ... no, I’m not saying we ain’t, I’m just saying he don’t know anyone who could fence this gear, but I ... no, technically, yes, we are both in security, but I’m on the front line, getting my, but for him it’s like, you know some guys reckon they know all about being a cop cause they watch it on the TV, that’s like what he ... yeah, I said I know it’s CCTV ... yeah, course he knew what was gonna be in there, that’s how I knew to set the job up, but he ain’t never seen a robbery ... yeah, but that was different ... yeah, but it was my idea ... all he does is he sits and watches that stuff sitting in the warehouse going nowhere, and it’s like I been saying, he classes that as work ... yeah, he told me, but it was just like smalltalk, and then he found out you and me was planning to ... I don’t know, just guessed, doesn’t matter … course it doesn’t matter now ... I swear neither of us knew they was putting another guard on ... yeah, but he’d have told me if he knew ... I don’t know, hasn’t been on the news ... I don’t know: old ... ’bout forty, suppose ... might have kids ... yeah, but he didn’t have to try and, I mean he’s not paid enough to be ... if it was me, too right I wouldn’t ... no, you done good ... yeah, but that wasn’t why we bought you in on it ... no, I swear, you was always my first choice and then he ... look, I’d have had to give him something anyway, so he could tell me where the cameras was ... yeah, but I’m in a shop, so I ... look, it was the three of us, doesn’t matter who thought of what first, or who asked who ... I asked you so I could cut you in, no more, no less ... have I ever lied to you ... look, if he was going to cark it he would have done ... no, nobody says he’s going to ... look, train’s getting in now, so I gotta go ... stop worrying ... no, I told you he’s too thick to do that to you ... yeah, I meant ‘to us’ ... I’ll call you after work, yeah ... no one died of a smack on the head ... maybe, but he’ll pull through, I reckon ... yeah, even if he don’t there’s no way they can pin it on you ... I really have got to go.

Jason Jawando writes prose and drama. He has published work in Mister, The Honest Ulsterman and Confluence magazines, among others. 

Jason wrote the following about ‘Word of a Lie’:

I overheard one side of a phone conversation on the train and tried to imagine the other side. This proved to be quite difficult because the person I could hear seemed to do about 95% of the talking.