e.r. de siqueira

Dorian

Am I a twink
if I’m past a quarter century
but still fresh as a newbie
// look at this skin
soft and moistened by the tropical breeze
moisturised with minerals
cosmic cosmetics
facial cleansers
preserving my structures for him
mummified my heart and marrow
// 

Am I a twink
even if I’m a latino
learning my ancestry
//
half black half mixed half indigenous whole Brazilian
//
loving how the tan glimmers my skin
wondering about linguistic idiosyncrasies 

Am I a twink
if they keep asking for my ID
//
at the clubs or saunas
at specific art exhibitions
//
looking at my beardless face
just following the protocols 

Am I a twink
if I look into the mirror and think
somehow
I might wanna commission some portrait
to work as a vain looking-glass

 Am I a twink
if I freeze in time and submerge anew
looking how the world has changed so fast
as I still count the last heartbreak
in how many men I can name after the last
how many of them came after I could recall 

Am I a twink
if 18yo lads now try it on with me
and how they look clever & smarter
//
manlier and better built than I used to be at their age
such glorious youth in essence
// 

Am I a twink
if I say silly things such as I miss you I want you I remember
your perfume I wanna be with you etc

Will I still be your twink
when we meet and you see our age gap hasn’t changed
my puerile love for you bastard is still present
past innocence still desiring
in this future I design where I face myself and feel the same 

What would you call me
your twink your ephebe your boy your lad all yours

e.r. de siqueira is originally from Brazil. He read English at UFMG, and is currently pursuing an MA in English Literature. Poetry works have appeared/are forthcoming in the anthology Mein schwules auge - My Gay Eye, Magma, Harana poetry, Hawai’i Review, Tenebrae: a Journal of Poetics, SPAM zine, and others. Twitter: @dusiqueira